i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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