u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All the doctor said was why
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
