you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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