We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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