I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
