when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They have beer where we have blood.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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