well you can't waste a boner
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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