Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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