Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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