so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
