just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
