I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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