Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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