We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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