so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
