The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
