Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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