Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
