He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize