my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dicks are not precious.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
