absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
