omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
