we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
