I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just sucked dick on a ferry