I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.