apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.