im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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