It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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