are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can I color on your dick again?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
