So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
