But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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