I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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