I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
