I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
