her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
is wine microwaveable?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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