everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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