what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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