And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
