in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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