Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're like the curious george of whores
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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