is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
