Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
