My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
