I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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