Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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