Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
