So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
