Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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