just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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