i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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