i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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