It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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