do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
