I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
