I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
