you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
