I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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