I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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