Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
