i may or may not be watching the land before time
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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