Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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