Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats