OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
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Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
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I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again