I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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