the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
