I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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