C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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