and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
