Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize