Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
