Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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