genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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