So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
