So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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