I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
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I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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