ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
