I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
