Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
