i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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