Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's blow job season.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
