yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
